Boys and Cars and Sex

Ms. Seize the Moment and I are in my vintage Subaru on the Westside Highway inching down to SoHo in city traffic. It is one of those perfect, fall NYC Sundays…clear and bright and just the right temperature for walking…unfortunately we were still in the car somewhere in 50s. As we waited for yet another red light—we talked and looked out at the blue, sparkling Hudson still filled with boats from the summer—slowly the sensual, thumping sound of urban music drifted into our open car windows and then the deep, eager, testosterone enriched voices of young men in a group. Looking in the rear view mirror I see a BMW full with young guys and they seem to looking in our direction—deducing the beat-up suburban station wagon with the two moms are not the target of their interest…I look around for a car filled with girls.

That was when I realized…

WE are the car filled with girls. In my backseat are three absolutely gorgeous girls--the other half of this mother-daughter outing. Two striking blonds and The Beast with her beautiful mane of black curly hair. I am not sure what they did. THEY are not sure what they did, but they definitely did something and got attention.

“Girls! you are too old to wave at other people in cars—they will get the wrong impression. And believe me—you do not want Ms. Seize the Moment to get out of the car on the Westside Highway and correct their impressions. It WILL be embarrassing”

The girls stopped what every they were “not doing” and we finally parked in the West Village and walked over to SOHO--the day was perfect…. full of unexpected beauty, wonderful food and the excitement of exploring new places...but there are other new places that I worry about.

It is a whole new social setting that the girls are entering into and I wonder how much we can prepare them for dealing with unwanted attention and attention that is wanted but may be more then they are ready for.

Discipline--Such an Ugly Word

As I mentioned before...other than that first horrific year with The Beast, who refused to sleep through the night and demanded CONSTANT attention while awake, she has been a rather easy child. She is thoughtful and kind , lazy at school, but so smart that the teachers rarely notice... generally a very good girl with just that kooky streak which is fine since we live in this artsy-fartsy town where kookiness is strived for....

So discipline is rarely an issue in our family and the reason for this, other than The Beast’s naturally good nature, is that I have always taken my childrearing clues from Ms. Church-Lady. She was not always Ms. Church-Lady, but that is another story. Ms. Church-Lady is a disciplinarian, but you would never know it. Never a yell, never a dramatic exit with a screaming child, never a threat.

I first witness Ms. Church-Lady ‘s technique with her oldest daughter. The child was young at the time—maybe six and she was good...very good...and charming... A LOT of fun..really everything you would want in a child.

We were up late with the child and the child was getting a little...just a little...loud. Nothing that I would notice, but a certain pitch was hit and I saw Ms. Church-Lady’s index finger go up and she called to her child, gently,--”one” The child looked up, acknowledge the finger and continued to have fun, but more quietly.

A little while later the noise level was breached again and again the child was alerted with a peace sign-”two.” said Ms. Church Lady.

I turned to Ms. Church-Lady and said—”how far do you count and what happens when you stop.”

“Three is the limit—when she gets to three she loses TV for a week.”

“Seems sort of harsh” I said.

“I know,” she said, “it is very harsh FOR ME, but you have got to do what you’ve got to do—there is nothing worse than having a brat around the house—creating a spoiled brat can ruin a lifetime. Besides a week without TV is not going to kill the child—she will just read more “

I watched the child. She was happy as can be. Not threatened, not confined by some brutal force...happy and comfortable and loved. Discipline is not about force or yelling or threatening it is all about attention...it is all about giving the child attention.

I am watching you. I love you. I am watching you because I love you.