5 Essential Party Planning Tips

It is that time of year—The Beast’s birthday MONTH…because in this family we celebrate the ENTIRE month.

Now that the child is older I was hoping to get away from the big home parties, but the child hates to leave friends out—so once again we had a house full of screaming, giggling girls and one husband constantly saying: “SHHHHH.” It is a sad battle, but one that seems inevitable.

As a public service to newer mothers I have compiled some essential tips for a perfect home party—just follow these simple rules:

1. Pick a Theme
o A theme will help you and YOUR child focus. (Sweetheart, put down that troll, we can do a troll party next year, this year is your Beautiful Butterfly Birthday party...don’t you want to wear those beautiful butterflies wings we just bought you?) The child re-focuses and you are saved countless dollars.
o Once you have a theme—there is no need to go to one of those expensive party stores. Dollar stores, Target clearance shelves, on-line cheap-o-party stuff...spend enough to get free shipping and use any money left over for alcohol for parents.

2. Invite with Care
o Nothing ruins a party faster than a brat. Generally by age three the brats and their oblivious parents have been clearly identified via various nursery school functions or other peoples parties.
o I have never been a supporter of inviting the whole class or all the girls or all the boys.
o We all know there are some kids who are better at parties than others. You may love little Betsy who reads constantly and you should invite her, but remember to invite the fun, high energy kids...you know who they are and you should invite at least two. And the bonus is that their parents tend to be fun too.

3. Do NOT Try to be Too Creative
o Now is NOT the time to be Martha Stewart. The kids will not appreciate it and the other parents will just hate you for it. It is a lose-lose situation.
 Buy a cake—do not make cute themed cupcakes.
 Buy cheap decorations—do not paint murals on Kraft paper and hang them up...you will just embarrass your child.

4. Have Grown-up Refreshments
o Nothing is more appreciated by parents at a party full of wild, screaming kids than a beer or a glass of wine.
o Cheeze Doodles are fine for children, but spring for some cheese and crackers for the adults or something to go with the beer.

5. Buy Decorations that will Double as Prizes or Giveaways at the End of the Party
o Let’s be honest, by the end of the party you will never want to see another butterfly, dinosaur, monkey etc. Give those inflatable dinosaurs, absurdly large flowers, and coconut shaped cups away—I promise you. You will never use them again.

This year’s theme—A Literary Masquerade Ball where all the girls came as their favorite fictional character. We had Alice in Wonderland, the Queen of Hearts, Olivia the Pig, Eloise at the Plaza, PipPi Longstocking, Tom Sawyer, two T.S. Elliott Cats, Ralph from UP, several characters from present day novels, King Tut and the Beast was Artemis , goddess of the hunt and protector of maidens. Way to Go Artemis!

A good time was had by all. No brats, no fights, just happy children and happy wine drinking adults.

Teen Bra Heaven--Aerie

This is a public service announcement for all moms with tween/teen daughters.

We all know the initial excitement of getting the first bra soon fades…especially when Target’s girls section is no longer an option--things become a little more complicated. And what shopping experience can be worse than being the mother of a tween/teen looking for a bra—let me tell you…not too many.

After a quick look at Lord and Taylors where their bra selection seemed limited to push-ups and dowager LARGE cups styles, we tried H & M—too sexy, Victoria Secret’s…no way. I was just about call it quits at the mall and take The Beast into the Town Shop on the Upper Westside—until we came across Aerie—the prefect mix between J Crew and Victoria Secret’s—a sort of clean-cut sexy—if that is possible.

A fresh faced girl in jeans and t-shirt showed us the their system. They have drawers of bras categorized by chest and cup size —so you can try on every style they carry in your size in one sitting. There is a little call button in the dressing room so you can call for assistance without getting dressed and tracking down the sales person and all the bra styles are named with girl names. Once you find the style you like—you just go to that rack, pick your size and your favorite colors. It is brilliant and simple.

Three bras and $75 later--happy daughter and relived mother.

Whispering Threats--Lazy Mom Tip #1012

“You daughter is SO GOOD and I never hear you yell at her. How do you do it?” Asked a very tired looking mother at one of those hellish party pick-ups. You know the type--where you have to pull your child from a churning vat of brats hyped up sugar and cola.

“Oh...it is pretty simple...” I said while the other mother continued to call gently to her daughter to find her shoes and socks, but the child was bouncing from the couch to the ceiling ignoring the poor woman’s pleas.

“It is a technique I learned from my mother--I just grab her little arm and whisper threats in her ear. At this age they are SO small and SO easy to frighten.”

Horror spread over the woman’s face. “Do you think that is good for a child?”

“It is hard to tell...you really never know until they are out of the house and away at college...do you? But for now—it works like a charm.” I said and then called to my daughter—”Come along Beautiful Beast”...and off we skipped, my poor emotionally damaged child and I...leaving behind the the Dante-esque party scene, the tired, loving mother and the bouncing brat.