Saturday, January 24, 2009

Mommy Classifications

There are so many different kinds of are just a few of the many break-downs.

Lazy Mom (desidiosus mater matris)—they generally work, because honestly why let your career completely slip for five years just to stay at home to be a servant to a little demanding tyrant. They normally have a helpful husband. They do not volunteer for organized events, but are willing and able to take on an extra kid for a playdate or sleep-over if it is for a good cause—such as helping a friend have a fun time in the city for an evening. Lazy Moms tend to have one child. One perfect child.

Moms (mater matris)—they have more than one child. They are thoughtful and nice and generally helpful. Sometimes their husbands help with the fun-dad stuff, but the dads are not the ones directing baths or making lunches and dinners...the moms basically do it all on the home front and work.

Ubermoms (supernus mater matris) —they usually work in the home or they have a part-time job, but they some how manage to dedicate 60 hours a week to volunteering at the school. They are amazed that other mothers do not want to spend a mere 30 hours a week printing newsletters or planning assemblies. Avoid Ubermoms like the plague. They try to suck you into volunteering, carpooling, signature gathering for events and causes that are better left untended.

Supermoms (prodigiosus mater matris)-—the woman works...often an entrepreneur...her children are involved in all the correct afterschool activities...a sport for each season, something cultural such as Shakespeare plays, takes the children on educational outings and, of course, is involved in an approved religious sect. Just a note to the Lazy Moms--the pagan drinking of wine and appreciating nature is NOT an approved religion.

Cling to the supermoms like a lifeboat on the Titanic. They are organized, have focus and purpose and if they feel your Lazy Mom lifestyle may benefit their child (thank god we are artsy and can occasionally throw a good party) you are golden. They know everything and everyone. They will remind you of all key school events...suggest an activity for those tricky half days... I love the supermoms because my child can often tag along and have all the benefits of the Supermom (trips to the Amish Country, Science Museum etc.) minus the pressure of having to be a Superkid.


SJC said...

I'm just curious which classification I fall into... I don't seem to fit in any of them...


LazyMom said...

Are definitely a lifeboat.

Selfish Mom said...

There is a sub-genre of the Lazy Mom...the Selfish Mom. These moms will do anything for their own kid but cannot be counted on to make chili for the church group or canvass to save the polar bears. The Selfish Mom, particularly those with only one child, can be a good resource for the Lazy Mom, as they will often want to "borrow" another kid for the day to entertain their only child.