Thursday, February 12, 2009

What Kind of Mother Are You?

There seems to be a fair amount of confusion over the mommy classifications from one of my older posts...and as I mentioned earlier the list is not exhaustive and of course there are degrees and permutations of different mommy types as Ms. PR pointed out...such as the Lazy/Selfish Mom which is a branch of the just plain LazyMom. So here are a few common behaviors of various moms to help you decide YOUR true category.

Telltale Behavior #1--School
  • If you have ever sent a permission slip, homework, test etc back to your kid's school with your signature AND a circular red wine stain on the paper: LazyMom
  • If you have ever covered a circular red wine stain on a permission slip with white-out: SuperMom
  • If you are horrified by the fact that someone could actually get a wine stain on anything: UberMom

Telltale Behavior #2--Vacations
  • If you have ever found yourself booking a family trip to Venice rather than Disneyland because—we can always PhotoShop Mickey into a baby picture and tell her she went to Disneyland..that she just does not remember because she was so young: LazyMom
  • If you have ever gone to Disneyland and have taken some poor neighbor’s child who has never been because she has a LazyMom who prefers Europe: SuperMom
  • If you have a time-share in Disneyland for the next five years so your children can benefit from the joys of American culture: UberMom
Telltale Behavior #3--Health
  • If you have ever dosed your child with cold medicine and sent her off to pre-school because—”please, it is not like you’ll get a refund when your kid is absent due to the sniffles and she probably got it from some snotty nosed kid there anyway.”: LazyMom
  • If you ever noticed your child had a slight fever, called the pre-school to warn other parents and sent out e-mails to all play-dates that week that your child might be coming down with a virus and they should keep an eye on their child for signs of illness...: SuperMom
  • If you ever noticed your child was just not herself, called your holistic pediatrician for some herbal remedy, kept the child home from pre-school and baked cookies with her: UberMom

Telltale Behavior #4—knowledge
  • If your child knows how to pour a glass of wine...perfectly: LazyMom
  • If your child knows Obama’s positions on public education: SuperMom
  • If child knows all her grades will be "As" because you volunteered for every possible event at the school: UberMom

Telltale Behavior #5--Parties
  • If your child’s birthday party always includes a case of wine and a case of beer for the parents: LazyMom
  • If your child’s birthday party always includes an educational theme: SuperMom
  • If your child’s birthday always includes some paid entertainment such as a clown, petting zoo, etc.: UberMom

Telltale Behavior #6— Leisure time
  • If your idea of a good time is a pitcher of Sangria or martinis with your husband in the backyard while the child plays quietly with friends: LazyMom
  • If your idea of a good time is a trip to someplace educational with the family: SuperMom
  • What leisure time? Who has time for leisure?: UberMom

Feel free to add your own behavioral observations...there will be a prize for the best one in each classification and extra points for new variations.


Rachelle said...

Thank you for validating me! I was thinking just the other day how awesome it is that I'm such a lazy mom, because my four year old can buckle her own damn seat-belt - thank you very much. I had to climb over the babies to get to the back of the mini-van and buckle her cousin in. Said cousin is a few months OLDER than my kid, but she obviously has a super-mom who buckles her belt for her every time.
I am the mom coaching from the drivers seat - "NO, make it longer FIRST. Now use both hands and click the thing in the slot by the red button. Got it yet? Sweet! We're off... And don't unbuckle yourself till I say its ok, cuz we aren't pulling over to wait for you again."
Stupid brat cousin sat and whined instead of stepping up to the challenge. My kid totally knows better than that. AND knows enough to shut-up and listen to whatever I put on the radio too.

LazyMom said...

I know...I am not sure what moms are thinking by doing everything for their kids. I once had a boyfriend who did not know how to use a washing machine...when he was in high school. Can you imagine?!!
The more the kids can do for themselves the better and screw Disney radio...please is it not enough we have to live with SO many primary colors when they are growing up--must we be inflicted with radio Disney?