Monday, November 2, 2009

Don't Put This On Your Blog!!!

“Don’t put this in your blog!” were the first words I heard when I picked up my phone messages. Of course, I have been trying to think of a blog title ever since. The breathy message went on....”the doctor said I have to lose 30 pounds!!!! 30 POUNDS!!! I mean it—don’t put this in your blog! If you do--I will KILL you...”

I don’t know about you, but I had always been rather thin, as was Ms 30-Extra-Pounds. Not rail thin, but within the 2-4 jean size thin. I almost had a melt down when I hit 130 when I was pregnant. Now I would be happy to ever see 130 again. 130 is like ancient history now and for some reason this history seems not to be repeating itself.

It happened slowly, people warned me it would, but I did not listen to those old fat people. In my youth I could eat two slices of pizza and wash it down with a pitcher of beer and have no ill effects except perhaps a new boyfriend. Occasionally, if I were going to the beach—the week before I would do some sit-ups to get my stomach flatter, but never did I think to jump on a Stairmaster or diet....pleassseee.

Even now the idea of going to the gym with all those big sweaty women on the Elliptical machines horrifies me. Obviously THAT machine is not working. Or dieting—have you seen the people who are at the “salad bars?” The people lumbering into those Weight Watchers meetings? What could be worse than listening to other fat people talk about their failures. But I NEED help so true to form—I choose my local library to assist me with my weight problem.

My friend with her extra 30 pounds, who will soon be knocking down my door in a Mafioso style hit, decided to go the same route with Skinny Bitch/ a no-nonsense, tough-love guide for savvy girls who want to stop eating crap and start looking fabulous! by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin for her inspiration. I felt the title was way too long and it didn’t sound fun enough for me—especially the giving up meat and coffee part.

Instead I looked to the French for inspiration....they are thin, they are sexy and they drink red wine and coffee—two of my staples...you don’t see French women sweating or talking about “baked” potato chips. So yesterday when I took The Beast for her weekly library fix. I checked out Mireille Guiliano's French Women Don't Get Fat.

I just love it and if I manage to get rid of my back fat—I will let everyone know…it is 3 month ”recalibration of your eating habits”—so check back at the end of January and I will let you know if it works.

Off to get red wine!

5 comments:

Proud Procrastinator said...

On no, not rail thin - "just 2 - 4 size range". So what is rail thin, then, "-2 - 0"? Please.....

You know what works? A contest. Then you can give your el vaca friend a way to get back at you. We've all got something to lose (except for those skinny bitches).

LazyMom said...

Well...I AM short...it is not like I was 6 foot and wearing a size 2.

I like the idea of a contest. I want to either loose 20 or get back into a size 4 by my birthday--the end of January. Anyone else game?
I don't have a scale, but maybe I will step on Ms. PRs get a reading.

JGH said...

But don't you get bored watching the same tape over and over? I was motivated with Wii Fit for about 5 minutes. Then it started scolding me!

I like the idea of reading about red wine and coffee to lose weight, though.

Proud Procrastinator said...

I'm in. However, the last time I lost 20 lbs, it took me 4 months (and that was several levels higher of metabolism ago). So how about its whoever loses the most by your birthday? If you do lose 20, you're a sure winner (against me at least).

LazyMom said...

You are on! Of course, I just came home and grazed through the refrigerator--some cheese, a little cracker, sipping some strong coffee with whole milk and sugar right now. Time to buckle down.

Hey Ms. 30-Extra Pounds! Wanna join the contest?